It is similar to if I got into the first serious argue with a new friend. And I then realized I would need some time off. Basically I did not have anything againt him. He appeared to be very handsome and likeable. I felt like I wanted to spend all day and night with him. Spending time with him was fun and I adored his creativity. I tended to tell him nearly everything. He, in return, told me a lot of his other friends and I got to meet new people virtually everyday due to him.
Then silence. Abruptly.
I figured it was time to take a break. I was unable to deal with all that new stuff. Unable to listen to my stories, my voice anymore. Didn't want to poke around in other people's life. We knew each other for quite a short time. I began feeling uncomfortable about all the huddle of secrets and stories yet I didn't know how to bear all the negative ones. The day after the escalation I was gone. Finally alone. Living on my own terms again. No more things I did not know how to deal with like death and all kinds of personal tragedies of other people I don't really know. They themselves all seem to take life and its challenges easy while I don't.
I entrenched myself into a place where he could not find me. Cut the connection. Yet I was still thinking about him.
Today, 12 days later, again, I am standing in front of him and asking how he's doing. What he is up to.
In conclusion I think I might know now how to deal with it – in a small dose. For now. Geez, give me time ;). I'm learning.
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