Tuesday, January 24, 2012


I've probabely already changed the title of this post for the 7th time.
I just wasn't sure about whether I should really write about this.
It felt like it's not the right time to speak openly about this.
What's more, I don't even know what to write and how to explain it properly.

Maybe I should just begin with simply telling the truth.

I'm difficult, to say the least. I know that. Trust me.
When I was little I had two girlfriends with whom I was very close.
But back then I was this little cute naive forth grader.
And back then this little girl didn't know that one day
she would discover that there is a lot more out there to explore.
People to talk to. Things to try out.
The problem was her two girlfriends weren't really into exploring.

So I, the little girl broke away from those old friends
which was not especially hard because as I tried to explain we sadly drifted apart anyway.
(I told you I'm difficult...)


I slowly grew out of all the patterns of behaviour my friends were used to.
I changed.
I became more and more picky.

I tried to hold on to this vision/of the perception I made up of how a perfect friend
would have to look like, talk and act.
(I now know how much of a fool I was - please don't consider me a total douche bag)

Now that I really try to be honest to myself and to you
I finally grasp it.
It was not the best idea to hold on to those imaginative, unrealistic -
and above all selfish - perceptions
and to let chances pass by. Potential friendships.

Sadly being outgoing doesn't come naturally for me most of the time.
But isn't that what this lesson is partly about.
To make the first move.
So that I can grow and proudly say
I've achieved something.

This is me.
Telling the truth.
Just wanted to be true.

p.s. Have you ever experienced one of these akward moments when you find yourself struggling with something in your life and all of the sudden you catch a phrase/find something by accident that helps you just when you needed it most.


  1. I can relate to not really having too many close friends. I have always been the type of person to have one best friend and many acquaintances..but never really a group of friends. However, I met my husband my senior year of high school and got married only a year after graduation. It seems like I no longer even have connections with those acquaintances I once did. I am a college student and I enjoy meeting new people there, but I can be a bit shy. I don't know. Perhaps I will continue to grow and learn how to be more outgoing in the future. I think that every girl needs to have close girl friends. Perhaps that why I enjoy blogging so much. haha.

    Have an awesome day, and just BE YOU!

    1. You have me really tearing up. It feels so good to have someone with similar struggles responding to you. Thank you.
      I feel we're similar in some other ways too (I'm 20, a student in college, moved out 1 year ago and moved into my first little appartment with my boyfriend). I'm living 5 hours away from my former home town which means I had to leave most of my friends behind.
      I'm positive about our strenght to grow and will to learn.
      Stay positive.

  2. Great post, thank you for sharing !!!
    Hope you will stop by and link up another fabulous post, linky party is up !!!
    Claire xox


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