friends

I've probabely already changed the title of this post for the 7th time.

I just wasn't sure about whether I should really write about this.

It felt like it's not the right time to speak openly about this.

What's more, I don't even know what to write and how to explain it properly.

Maybe I should just begin with simply telling the truth.

I'm difficult, to say the least. I know that. Trust me.

When I was little I had two girlfriends with whom I was very close.

But back then I was this little cute naive forth grader.

And back then this little girl didn't know that one day

she would discover that there is a lot more out there to explore.

People to talk to. Things to try out.

The problem was her two girlfriends weren't really into exploring.

So I, the little girl broke away from those old friends

which was not especially hard because as I tried to explain we sadly drifted apart anyway.

(I told you I'm difficult...)

h

I slowly grew out of all the patterns of behaviour my friends were used to.
I changed.
I became more and more picky.

I tried to hold on to this vision/of the perception I made up of how a perfect friend
would have to look like, talk and act.
(I now know how much of a fool I was - please don't consider me a total douche bag)

Now that I really try to be honest to myself and to you
I finally grasp it.
It was not the best idea to hold on to those imaginative, unrealistic -
and above all selfish - perceptions
and to let chances pass by. Potential friendships.

Sadly being outgoing doesn't come naturally for me most of the time.
But isn't that what this lesson is partly about.
To make the first move.
So that I can grow and proudly say
I've achieved something.

This is me.
Telling the truth.
Just wanted to be true.

p.s. Have you ever experienced one of these akward moments when you find yourself struggling with something in your life and all of the sudden you catch a phrase/find something by accident that helps you just when you needed it most.